Who or How to Remember

We continue to struggle to help my Dad – help him cope with his new circumstances, help him understand what is going on around him, help him comprehend why he cannot come home with us. For the most part, we’re failing miserably. But as I read more about caring for the demented, I understand that the value is in, must be in, the effort. For me that effort is what frees me (most of the time) from the guilt inherent in facing these responsibilities.

I am charmed to know Dad has so many very good and longtime friends. They keep reaching out to him and Mom, even from long distances. Some even want to come and visit.

Knowing the Bob they know, they struggle to imagine a guy who cannot even converse cogently, let alone be taken out to lunch. So chats with these friends are both sad and heartwarming.

In the end, everyone must decide for him or herself at what point to stop. Is it better to not see him again so that the Bob remembered is the bright, handsome, cheerful, friendly guy who can turn anything into a flying story?

Or to come to know him as he is now, and know that you love him no matter who he is?

We each find our own answers. None of them are wrong.